My friend, Jerra's brother, died suddenly a little over a week ago. It was such a shock! He was only 37 years old. He left behind a 2 year old son and a 4 month old daughter. I remember the first time I saw David (20 years ago)...he made an impression on me for two reasons....one...he was laughing and two...he was gorgeous. :) I remember telling Heather, "THAT is Jerra's brother!" :) He was really handsome. I didn't see him much over the years but he and his wife were in my sister's community group. When Hannah and Justin were moving, they asked their community group for help. Well, only one couple showed up...it was David and Sabrina. They helped all day long and worked hard!! Mom and Dad took them to dinner that night...they were so thankful. It made a huge impression on them. They showed how much they cared. I saw David this summer at Chick-fil-A with his wife and kids. His baby daughter had just been born. David came up to our table and talked to us and when he left, I told Lamar how much he impressed me. In the short amount of time he was talking to us, it was so obvious how much he adored his wife and kids. He was so sweet about them. He was funny, too. Anyway, I woke up Saturday morning and saw that I had a text from my friend, Heather, that she had just read on FB that David had died. I couldn't believe it! He was in a car accident and died instantly. David wrote an e-mail to a friend and Jerra shared it on Facebook. I wanted to share it, too, because it's so so good! Here it is:
This is what Jerra wrote: "Many people have asked about the email that David wrote that was mentioned at the funeral. I've posted it in my notes section if you're interested in reading it. This was an email to a friend who was considering divorce. This person was looking for their soul mate and didn't feel their spouse was that person anymore. My prayer is that this email will touch your hearts."
Here it is -- David's personal thoughts and convictions about marriage:
I don't believe that society's definition of "soul mate" is healthy or spiritual. It's great for the movies and Hallmark cards, but no one's marriage is like the romantic movies you've seen. A good friend of ours is divorcing her husband because she bought into the lie that God wants us to "be happy" in marriage and freed from her current spouse to find her one, true "soul mate." Like most other people, she has this fantastical, unreal notion that God brings together two lost hearts who experience true compatibility in all the deepest longings of their being. Most people think that your soul mate is someone that you never argue with and spend endless days of hand-clinching romantic walks on the beach with. No hardships, no struggles, just starry-eyed wonder for the next 80 years. The truth is, a soul mate isn't someone you find, it's someone you intentionally and prayerfully become.
Anyone in a successful marriage can tell you that "success" in marriage doesn't come from finding that one person you were meant to be with. It only comes from giving up the selfish behavior that served you while you were single, and focusing on selflessly serving your spouse instead. A happy marriage requires a completely different mindset than the 50/50 concept most couples enter into marriage with. The idea that if I do my 50% and Sabrina does her 50%, we will have a happy marriage is ridiculous. Sabrina and I are both imperfect people and we both make mistakes on a daily basis. One of us will always feel disgruntled, thinking that we are contributing more to the happiness of the relationship than the other. The only way to have a happy marriage is if I take the selfish focus off of myself and put 100% of my energy into serving Sabrina and she does the same with me. If I am focused 100% on serving Sabrina, I don't even realize when my needs and desires aren't being met, because I'm not focused on my needs and desires, but hers.
Nowhere in the Bible does God say anything about soul mates. God gives us the simple details on how to have a great marriage. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Wives, respect your husbands. Both of these are intentional acts of selfless sacrifice that will guarantee us to have a happy marriage. Even better than that, God chose marriage to represent Christ's love for us. Even though we didn't deserve it, Christ loved us so much that He sacrificed Himself to die for us. Neither Sabrina or I are perfect, but God has called us to live out the gospel every day by sacrificing for and loving each other, even thought we don't deserve it. The fact is, if Sabrina showed her love for me only when I did something to deserve it, I would be in big trouble. But Sabrina and I are very much in love. We have a great marriage. But nobody sees us 24/7/365. They only see our public face, not the thousands of times I've thrown a selfish temper tantrum because I didn't feel like her world was revolving around me enough. Sabrina and I have a very real marriage. We disagree, we argue, and we get frustrated with each other. But even in those times, we work even harder at treating each other with love and respect.
Despite what E-Harmony would have you to believe, we are not compatible in every way. There are many times when we have to make changes and personal sacrifices for each other. We're in love and are soul mates because we work at it. Most people don't like the idea of having to work for a soul mate. But you will never speak with a happily married couple that will tell you that they haven't had to work hard for the happiness that they have together.
"To all that are asking - Yes please! Repost. Praying that God will use David's death for His glory!"
That's why we live with such good cheer. You won't see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don't get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we'll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming. 2 Corinthians 5:6-8 (The Message)
This is what Jerra wrote: "Many people have asked about the email that David wrote that was mentioned at the funeral. I've posted it in my notes section if you're interested in reading it. This was an email to a friend who was considering divorce. This person was looking for their soul mate and didn't feel their spouse was that person anymore. My prayer is that this email will touch your hearts."
Here it is -- David's personal thoughts and convictions about marriage:
I don't believe that society's definition of "soul mate" is healthy or spiritual. It's great for the movies and Hallmark cards, but no one's marriage is like the romantic movies you've seen. A good friend of ours is divorcing her husband because she bought into the lie that God wants us to "be happy" in marriage and freed from her current spouse to find her one, true "soul mate." Like most other people, she has this fantastical, unreal notion that God brings together two lost hearts who experience true compatibility in all the deepest longings of their being. Most people think that your soul mate is someone that you never argue with and spend endless days of hand-clinching romantic walks on the beach with. No hardships, no struggles, just starry-eyed wonder for the next 80 years. The truth is, a soul mate isn't someone you find, it's someone you intentionally and prayerfully become.
Anyone in a successful marriage can tell you that "success" in marriage doesn't come from finding that one person you were meant to be with. It only comes from giving up the selfish behavior that served you while you were single, and focusing on selflessly serving your spouse instead. A happy marriage requires a completely different mindset than the 50/50 concept most couples enter into marriage with. The idea that if I do my 50% and Sabrina does her 50%, we will have a happy marriage is ridiculous. Sabrina and I are both imperfect people and we both make mistakes on a daily basis. One of us will always feel disgruntled, thinking that we are contributing more to the happiness of the relationship than the other. The only way to have a happy marriage is if I take the selfish focus off of myself and put 100% of my energy into serving Sabrina and she does the same with me. If I am focused 100% on serving Sabrina, I don't even realize when my needs and desires aren't being met, because I'm not focused on my needs and desires, but hers.
Nowhere in the Bible does God say anything about soul mates. God gives us the simple details on how to have a great marriage. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Wives, respect your husbands. Both of these are intentional acts of selfless sacrifice that will guarantee us to have a happy marriage. Even better than that, God chose marriage to represent Christ's love for us. Even though we didn't deserve it, Christ loved us so much that He sacrificed Himself to die for us. Neither Sabrina or I are perfect, but God has called us to live out the gospel every day by sacrificing for and loving each other, even thought we don't deserve it. The fact is, if Sabrina showed her love for me only when I did something to deserve it, I would be in big trouble. But Sabrina and I are very much in love. We have a great marriage. But nobody sees us 24/7/365. They only see our public face, not the thousands of times I've thrown a selfish temper tantrum because I didn't feel like her world was revolving around me enough. Sabrina and I have a very real marriage. We disagree, we argue, and we get frustrated with each other. But even in those times, we work even harder at treating each other with love and respect.
Despite what E-Harmony would have you to believe, we are not compatible in every way. There are many times when we have to make changes and personal sacrifices for each other. We're in love and are soul mates because we work at it. Most people don't like the idea of having to work for a soul mate. But you will never speak with a happily married couple that will tell you that they haven't had to work hard for the happiness that they have together.
"To all that are asking - Yes please! Repost. Praying that God will use David's death for His glory!"
That's why we live with such good cheer. You won't see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don't get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we'll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming. 2 Corinthians 5:6-8 (The Message)
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