*I wrote this post on July 23, 2014
I
have wanted to write this post for a while but have just been putting it off
because it’s so sad for me. I don’t want to forget the day that we said goodbye
to our best friend, though, so here I am on an airplane and figured I might as
well write.
On
May 29, 2014 we had our last morning with Charlie Bear. We had to put him to
sleep. I had been praying for a couple of months that he would go on his own
because I never wanted to make that decision but the time came where the
decision had to be made. Looking back, I know the time was right. God’s timing
always is. Charlie Bear had been showing signs of dementia for awhile but that
didn’t matter to us. He was still enjoying life as he always did. He had
started to go to the bathroom on the carpets and I think it’s because he
thought it was grass. About a year and a half ago, we put him on medication to
help his spondylosis. I had taken him to the vet because he was panting so bad
and I knew I had to take him in immediately. They did xrays and his lungs looked
horrible. They also figured out he had spondylosis which is painful. L I know that
if I hadn’t taken him in that day, he would have gone that week. The vet put
him on antibiotics and he got remarkably better. He was on them for 5 weeks.
He also got put on a med that helped his pain but gave him stomach issues. He
had horrible gas and his poop was so acidic that it ate a hole around his
booty. When we discovered it, it was the saddest thing because I know that had
to have hurt him so bad. Lamar cleaned the area and put Neosporin on it. After that, Lamar wiped
his booty everytime he pooped. That area got better after that. Well, a couple
of months before we put him down, he started pooping where he was lying. I thought
maybe it was his medication so I took him off of it. His stomach got a lot
better but it was hard for him to walk because of his spondylosis. My sweet Charlie Bear would still walk up the
stairs to see Macy if she were home even though it took him so long to get up
there and he couldn’t get down without help. He would try and end up lying on
the middle of the stairs. I would run upstairs and tell him to stay and that I
would be back but he would still come. Faithful faithful friend. After he got
off his medication, I realized that he was not pooping where he was lying
because of the medication but because he was loosing control. I knew that was
one of the last signs. L That’s when I started praying that he would
go on his own. I can’t remember the last time he was able to get in the car on his
own. For awhile now, Lamar had to help him in and out of the car. I should have
taken a video of it because it was so sweet. Lamar would have to do a squat and
use all his muscles to lift Charlie Bear onto the high seat and he would catch
his weight when he got out of the seat. I couldn’t do it at all. I wasn’t
strong enough. He couldn’t walk outside for more than a few houses without hurting.
He still loved walks so much and we would take him on VERY short walks that
would last a long time because he was so slow walking. Poor little guy also had
tumors all over his body. I don’t think they were cancerous. The vet said they
were fatty tumors. He had a huge one on his tail that I hope didn’t hurt him. L He had
little tumors all over his body that were open sores and wouldn’t heal. L He lived to
be 14 years and 9 months. My parents had been saying for a couple of months
that it might be time to let him go but I wouldn’t even think of it. Lamar
mentioned it, too, but I so didn’t want to make that decision. The day before
we put him down, I just knew it was time. We were about to move and we had
taken him to our new place a couple of times. The day before, he had pooped
where he was lying again and had urinated in the garage on the piece of the carpet right before you walk in the back door. He
was having trouble walking. I knew it was time but just couldn’t
imagine life without Charlie Bear in it. I did not want to make the wrong
decision at all. I didn’t want to look back and wonder if it was really time.
That was my big fear. The next morning, I woke up at 4:00 am knowing it was
time. I was so sad but I knew. I told Lamar when he woke up that it was time
and that it needed to be done fast because I couldn’t even look at Charlie Bear
without crying knowing what was coming and I knew I would change my mind if it
wasn’t done as soon as possible. Lamar called our friend, Brianna, who works for a
great vet and they scheduled us for 10:45 that morning. I went and woke Macy up
and told her. She knew the time was coming after living at home for 6 months and
seeing him the way he was. I got ready
while Macy loved on Charlie Bear. I prayed that God would give me a sign that I
was doing the right thing. I have a favorite song called Come to Me by Jenn
Johnson. My alarm is set to that song. Whenever I listen to it, I feel a
special connetion to the Lord. I just feel so close to Him. It is the most
comforting song I know. I just love it. Well a few minutes after I prayed that,
Macy and I were both crying hugging and loving on Charlie Bear and all the
sudden my phone that was plugged in by my nightside started playing Come to Me
by itself. I looked at Macy and said, “What is that?” and then I told her what
I had just prayed. That song played over and over and over while we loved on
Charlie Bear. Later I looked at my phone and sure enough, no alarm was set for
that time. I am so thankful that I have a God who
loves me and cares enough for me to do things like that for me. My mom had hired a sweet girl to clean my
house that day (for the new people moving in our house) and she came in and we
were all crying loving on Charlie Bear. Lamar came in and was crying, too. My
mom and Judy Edwards ended up coming over because Maudie had rung the doorbell
and none of us heard it. Maudie called mom and told her and she came over with
Judy. Her and Judy walked in and we were all crying hugging Charlie Bear. I
told her what we were going to do. She cried, too, and told us it was the best
gift we could give him. Finally, it was
time to go to the vet. In all the emotions, we forgot his leash so when we got
there, Lamar helped him out of the car and Macy ran in and got a leash for him.
We walked in and they took us in a room. Charlie Bear was so happy to be at the
vet. He has always loved the vet because of all the people. He is everyone’s
best friend. He doesn’t even care if he has to get a shot as long as he sees
people. We get into the room and Charlie Bear spies the dog biscuits! HA! Macy
gave him one. The vet came in and she was the sweetest lady. Poor Charlie looked
so bad. He had his summer cut and it had exposed all his tumors that wouldn’t
heal. He looked like he had the chicken pox. My sweet Charlie. I love him!! The vet told us that she would give him a catheter in his
vein and put the medication in and he would go to sleep. She gave us time to
say goodbye and told us to knock on the door when we were ready. We all told
Charlie Bear how much we loved him. I thanked him for saving my life and being
my best friend and companion. I told him I wished I could go with him and to
give Jesus a hug for me. Lamar was sitting in a chair. Macy just hugged him and
cried. We knocked on the door. The vet came in and Charlie was lying down and
had his head up looking at me. I love that dog so much. I just love him so
much. The vet injected the medication in his vein and I held his face and told
him over and over again that I loved him. “I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you!” The vet said to Charlie Bear, “You’re getting tired,
aren’t you?” and he laid his head down. She took his pulse and said, “He’s
gone.” I cried so hard that this crazy groan came out. I have never cried like
that. I’m crying now and this is why I didn’t want to write this but I know
that I need to. I miss him so much. After he was gone, Macy just lied on him
and sobbed. It was so weird to see him not breathing. I had checked so many
mornings for over a year to make sure he was still breathing and it was so
weird to look at him and see him without his body moving up and down with
breaths. It was just horrible. The pain! I knew it would be really hard to let
him go but I sure didn’t know that it would be that painful. My mom told me
that God didn’t let me know because I would have never done it. I now how selfish
it would have been to keep him alive, though. My sweet sweet Charlie. I look
more forward to heaven now because I know that I get to see my Charlie Bear
again….healed!!! We finally left the vet. It was so sad to turn around and see
Charlie Bear lying there and to know that we would never see him again. It was
tremendously hard. Then we had to come home to a house where there were
memories EVERYWHERE of him and that was really hard. I was sad about leaving
Chimeny Sweep until then and then I couldn’t wait to get out. The pain of him
not being in that house where he always was…where he was always by my side. We
spent two more nights there and I was so glad to go to our new place where
there weren’t as many memories of him. He had been there twice and we planned
on him being there with us. When we walked in our new place, I cried right when
we walked in because he was supposed to be there with us. I had to wear my
glasses for a few days because I couldn't quit crying. A neat thing happened
though. We rented the movie We Bought a Zoo and there was a scene where there was an old
lion that the guy didn’t want to put to sleep. The zookeeper was so mad at him
for being so selfish and not doing what was right. The timeing of that movie
was perfect because I kept second guessing myself. I was so glad for the gift of the song God gave me and that movie helped me so much, too. I feel like God
was letting me know through that situation in the movie. As time has passed
(almost 2 months) I realize that it was definitely time and we might have even
kept him alive past his time. Although, I know that was all in God’s perfect
timing so it was the right time, day, and place. After being in so much
emotional pain for a few days, I asked God to please make the pain easier.
Instad of second guessing, I just started thanking God for Charlie Bear and all
the years He gave me with him. One day, years ago, I was picking up Macy from
Riverfield and saw a Golden Retriever with a white face. I went up to him and
loved on him and asked his owner how old the dog was. She said he was 11. I
couldn’t believe it! I didn’t know Goldens lived that long. I had read that the
average ago of a Golden was 8-10 years. I prayed right then that God would let
Chalrie Bear live a long life and oh how He did that. He did that above and
beyond! Charlie Bear was an overweight Golden Retriever who had seizures,
hyperthryorisim, spondylosis, tumors, etc and he lived to be almost 15 years
old!! AND…he was happy! SO happy! That sweet dog never complained…ever. He
enjoyed every second of life! My sweet
Charlie. How I love him and miss him. He gave me so many joyful happy memories! Thank you, Lord, for the gift of my sweet Charlie!
This is what I wrote on FB: Our beloved Charlie Bear is no longer with us. He's been our faithful loyal companion for almost 15 years. The best dog in the whole world. I miss him so much. There is a part of my heart that went with him and I feel such a great loss. Life will never be the same but I am so grateful for the long life he lived and all the wonderful memories. The picture on the left was our first day with him at 10 weeks and the picture on the right is our last day at 14 years and 8 months. I'll miss him for the rest of my life. Please pray that Reggie will be okay.
Macy put this on her Facebook. This is what she wrote:
We got Charlie Bear when I was 8. He was my best friend. I shared my popsicles and ice cream cones with him and he tried to shared his dead rabbits with me. He got me through my awkward junior high years. He was my shoulder to cry on and my pillow when I was tired. He made it all the way through high school and two different colleges with me! Our little runt turned into a 115 lb golden retriever! He made the long trek up the stairs to say hi to me even in his last days! Today I said goodbye to my best friend and brother. I will always love Charlie Bear. He made our lives better. He made everyone he came in contact with life better! He isn't in pain anymore. Can't wait to see my furry best friend again! I miss you so much already Charlie!
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